A reason, a season, or a lifetime
A sixtieth wedding anniversary celebration served as a reminder that taking stock of momentous events is both necessary and important and that building strong relationships is key.
Enabling The How #126. Reading time: 5 minutes 10 seconds
Sixty years is a long time to spend with another person. Six decades. Some might say it is a life sentence. Maybe a love sentence as this is the length of time that Chantal’s parents have been married. A remarkable feat and one that we had the pleasure of celebrating this past weekend.
Chantal’s parents met at high school, so have been together for even longer than the sixty years that mark their marriage. The event was celebrated at a lunch held for friends and family. The day, which had threatened to get windy and overcast, shone with the warmth of a highveld winter sun that matched the conviviality of the people there.
Capturer of moments
Matthew, an accomplished photographer, was the unofficial capturer of moments. After the obligatory speeches which came with the instruction to, “Make sure they are short.” And before we sat down for a sumptuous meal Matthew took some “official” photographs. A bit like the photo queuing at a wedding, first photos were taken of the celebrating couple, then with their children, their grandchildren, the current partners and in a final yahoo, we rounded up all the guests for a big group photo shoot.
This last exercise was not without its challenges. Forty chatting individuals had to be shepherded to the shade, the best spot for photographs. At least half of these had their own ideas of where the best place would be to take the photo. These friends, being in their late 70’s and 80’s were not used to being told what to do or how to arrange themselves. Matthew was resolute. He was patient and determined.
“Move in a bit, look at the camera. Excuse me at the back, no more talking, focus here. Um…at the phone (camera) please.” Matthew called over the nattering, laughter and shuffles. With an ever increasing volume, he directed, “This way, no, this way!” Until everyone heard, obeyed the instructions and with a “Smile!” He was able to get that shot.
“Oh my goodness that was like herding cats!” exclaimed Chantal as the group dispersed and people headed to the dining area and the overflowing harvest table.
“Yup but this is an important event,” said Matthew, wiping his brow, “Sixty years! It will not happen again and it must be honoured.”
Recognise and record
This is one of Matthew’s gifts: to recognise the importance of events and make the effort to record them with care. Life passes us by so speedily that to remember to stop and take stock is important and necessary because it won’t happen again. These moments are worthy of being captured and embedded in not only the memories of those that are there but for those that were not too.
Chantal remembers celebrating her own grandparents' Ruby wedding anniversary. They were together for many years beyond that 40th anniversary but memories of the day, the ruby red gifts and being able to look at the photos that were taken have kept the event alive for her decades after they have both passed. The same will be for this occasion.
We all need other people in our lives
Relationships are the bedrock of being human. We all need other people in our lives. We especially need people who we love, respect, and enjoy being with. To have a solid social circle, a supportive community and the strong bonds of loved ones has benefits for our physical as well as emotional well being.
People are happier, they live longer and have fewer health problems when they have good relationships with those around them. Both giving and receiving affection has life enhancing effects. The act of caring relieves stress. Studies show that satisfying social connections reduce anxiety and depression, result in higher self esteem and even improve immunity.
Relationships take work
Developing relationships takes energy and effort. Maintaining connection and relationship over an extended period of time, decades in this case, does not happen by chance. It requires a certain level of determination and commitment. The sixtieth anniversary is the diamond anniversary, an appropriate theme bearing in mind what it takes to make a diamond.
Shared values, mutual trust and an ability to be oneself with another person creates an energetic link. This link serves to regulate emotional states, and can bring calm and comfort even at times of conflict and concern.
Relationships are not stagnant entities. They, like us, develop and so require work.
Work means being challenged and feeling uncomfortable. It means being able to weather the storms of life and not collapse. It’s about the ability to argue without the relationship disintegrating because arguing is useful. Until it is not, and then being able to recognise the difference.
The life lessons of all types
Yes, some relationships will end. They live out their usefulness or are outgrown. This is also a natural part of the relationship development cycle. They offer life lessons and can be honoured for those. As the opening lines of a poem by Brian Andrew Chalker goes:
“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
Sometimes there are people who represent all facets of that line. They arrive for a reason, maybe stick around for a season and then even though they leave and move on, their essence stays around for a lifetime.
Take a moment to consider who these people are in your life. Those reason, season or lifetime people. Reflect on their impact and maybe give thanks. You would not be the person you are without them.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Chantal & Matthew
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