All talk no action
We went to a talk about philosophy, a subject too large for one hour and one that focuses on talking, debating and thinking. What about the action and the balance between the two?
Enabling The How #194. Reading time: 6 minutes
As we stumbled back from a short break in George, feeling a bit windswept, we blew into a regular monthly gathering where interesting individuals give thought provoking talks. The topics range from personal development, physical and emotional health to awakening spirituality and, this particular time, about philosophy.
Philosophy is such a BIG subject, with such a broad scope that a one hour talk could hardly do it any justice. Philosophy by its very nature is about talk, debate, conversing and thinking, especially thinking - a great deal.
“My first contact with Descartes left me believing that philosophers in the past had far too much time on their hands to think and explore the inner workings of their minds,” remarked Chantal, “I mean, all those words about thinking, what about the action?”
“All talk and no action,” mused Matthew, “Makes me think of a couple of people I know.”
Easier to talk about it
Chantal’s brother, Lawrence, loves to sit back and tell anyone who will listen what he wants to do, will do, and absolutely can do. Because of his impaired executive function (the mental skills that help people plan, pay attention, remember instructions, and handle several tasks at once) as a result of a head injury caused by a car accident, he usually does none of what he has declared. The fact that he will have forgotten about his pronouncements a few hours later is one reason. In the moment he earnestly believes that he will do what he says he will, but he cannot plan, has little initiative and any distraction will cause him to focus on something new and different. It’s really not his fault.
Most adults do not have traumatic brain injuries but many find it much easier to talk about what they will do or must do or are determined to do rather than actually do it. Habits are notoriously difficult to change. Unresourceful behaviours developed over decades have plowed deep pathways in the brain that take considerable effort to move away from to make new and more supportive routes.
As coaches both of us hear our clients talk about the changes they want to make. These are often the very reasons they have come to coaching. Sometimes they expect the changes to happen overnight.
“Why am I still doing the very thing I want to change?” asked one client in exasperation. “I thought I dealt with it a few weeks ago?”
“Yes, you did change in one context,” said Chantal, “This is another incident that has triggered an outdated reaction.”
It's what happens. This is the journey of change. When we meet the events or people that send us scurrying back to those old habits that we want to move away from, it may feel as if we haven’t moved at all. These times, which cycle around and around in slowly diminishing circles, it is merely another valuable opportunity to flex that new internal muscle that is being developed and do some more work.
We should have it all
We have been made to believe that we should have it all, that our goal in life should be one where we are happy, successful, well rounded adults. If we are not, we are a failure. This drive is fueled by a desire for immediate gratification stoked to a large extent by social media, which also pokes the “I’m not good enough” bear. Together, these make us want to flip into a new way of being in a moment, forgetting that the way we got here was through decades of limiting beliefs, thought patterns and unresolved small or large traumas.
People come to coaching because they want a change in their lives. This is a massive step because knowing that a change is needed is one thing, doing something about it by going to coaching is another. Embarking on the coaching journey is a voyage of discovery and with the thrills of adventure come some scary moments. Facing our fears, looking our less than sparkling selves in the face, and uncovering some uncomfortable truths about ourselves are definitely not for the faint hearted.
Having had the awareness that we need to change, accepting it, and then taking the step towards that goal, there is still a mountain or two to climb with lots of talking in between. The conversations can be illuminating and exciting, motivating us to come up with plans and ideas that will drive the change momentum. But nothing changes until action is taken.
An adept thinker and an accomplished doer
Matthew is a very adept thinker. He can spend many hours in his head. It is a comfortable place for him to be. He is both entertained and intrigued by new discoveries and subjects to explore. There is never enough to know and one inspiring topic can lead down one rabbit hole to another and another and another.
“I think you have thought about that enough, now,” said Chantal, tapping her fingers impatiently, “What’s your next step?”
Chantal is an accomplished doer. She can jump into action at the drop of a button but sometimes too much action, too soon, is also not the ideal answer. Impulsively diving into something without thinking it through can cause other problems.
“Like, I have no idea what you are doing, that you have done it or where you are in the process, because you haven’t spoken to me,” said Matthew in some frustration.
“I couldn’t find you,” retorted Chantal, “You were lost in some deep dive somewhere.”
Arguments aside, Matthew does say that he has learnt the value of action from Chantal and Chantal says that she has learnt to do a little more digging, a bit more research, before diving into the doing.
Light bulbs flash
One of the most gratifying moments as a coach is when we see the light bulbs flash on and shine brightly in our clients as they realise that change takes action. Sustained behavioural change is one outcome that we look for in the coaching process. And it is a process, a persistent journey forward with some faltering and flailing.
No real work can be accomplished if all that is done is to talk about it. By the same token, too much ill-considered action can send you on an unintended detour or up a mountain that ends at a cliff face with nowhere else to go. It is about finding that beautifully primed balance between the conversation and the accomplishment of an action plan.
It is also about appreciating that change takes time. We don’t expect to drop those extra kilo’s overnight, or run a marathon after running around the block once, so we cannot expect to change our behaviour after one or two coaching sessions. There is something in that saying about walking your talk. Do you just talk or just walk or can you do both?
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Matthew & Chantal