Walking uphill
We had to walk up a steep hill to get to our apartment. It wasn’t fun but doing it made it easier. Although tempting to take the easy way out, growth and development needs some struggle to make stick.
Enabling The How #221. Reading time: 5 minutes, 50 seconds
The Green Point studio apartment that we stayed in when we went down to Cape Town at the end of last month was situated at the top of a hill on a corner. It was a popular thoroughfare to the circle intersection below. From there you could turn right to the city centre, the N1 and beyond or left to Seapoint, Clifton and Camps Bay. Cars would weave around the corner without warning to drive with purpose and little heed of pedestrians eyes fixed firmly on their desired destination.
Although we had hired a car for the more far flung appointments there was plenty to do within walking distance. We had to park the car down the road as there was no parking at the accommodation itself. More than once a day, whether we drove out of Green Point or walked to a venue we would have to walk back up the hill to get to our apartment. This was not fun for Matthew who, as we have previously explained, needs to get fitter in the “walking uphill department”.
In the beginning, huffing and puffing, Matthew would have to take a rest or two on his way up. But there was no other way to get back home. He had to climb that hill. By the end of the week it had definitely become easier as he could walk the full length of the hill without a rest.
Granny day again
It was lovely to come back home and look forward to having “granny day” again. We had not seen Leah for what felt like ages. She changes so much and we hadn’t seen her for two weeks. We had missed out on a lot.
The joy of being a grandparent lies in witnessing the developmental changes that occur without the stress of being a new parent. When you are the parent you are so enveloped in the all consuming tasks of keeping your offspring alive, thriving and meeting milestones that there is barely time to really appreciate their developmental shifts.
Every week there is something new that Leah can do. It may be a subtle shift from chewing on the crayons to squiggling lines on a page, or balancing blocks on top of each other instead of just holding one in each hand. It is a delight to experience and a wonder to behold.
Wilful, determined and active
Leah emerged out of the womb, eyes wide and curious, head bobbing to see. She was wilful, determined and very active. She walked early at ten months. She has been slower to formulate words as all her energy goes into walking, running, climbing and falling. She has fallen a great deal. She trips over her feet, slips on stairs, wobbles on a thick grass lawn and tumbles across carpets.
She rarely blinks an eye when she falls. She just gets up and carries on. She may get frustrated when the chair is a little too high for her to climb on but she quickly finds a way to get to what she wants.
Her mother taught Leah a few signs as soon as she could sit. She can sign for “more”, “all done”, “I want a drink”, “I want food”. Although she doesn’t have the words yet, she is able to communicate adequately. She babbles through books telling the stories in a lilting gibberish that only she understands. Although we all pretend to.
Yes, you have to follow her around and make sure she doesn’t put a finger in an electric socket, or eat a poisonous plant, or pull down the dining room tablecloth and everything with it. But given the space and freedom she keeps herself very busy. Very. Busy.
Need to play
Every child is different. Some are quicker to speak, and happy to play quietly. Others are physical and demonstrative. If given the chance to explore and engage with their worlds they will all reach their milestones and grow into robust children, teens and adults.
A focus on achievement and accomplishment can unnecessarily impede growth. Parents demand an earlier and earlier academic focus at pre-school, including an introduction to computers. They do this because they want their children to get ahead. They think they are doing the best for their children and they know no better.
Children need to play. They need to rough and tumble, get dirty, fall and scrape their knees. They need to move. They need to climb. They need to pull and push and run and jump. And be loud.
Overly protective parenting can raise risk averse children who lack self confidence, have low body tone and potentially look forward to many sessions at the OT. Parents who want to give their babies a soft landing in life can do more harm than good.
Happy for the hill
If it had been a young child moaning about the walk up the hill, it might have been easier to pick him up and carry him. It would have been easier for the parent, who would not have had to stop and wait, or close their ears to the whining. It would not have necessarily been the best for the young boy.
As it was, Chantal would have liked to flatten the hill so it was a gentler walk. The cars might not have flown down the hill at quite a speed if it had been less steep. But the hill is the hill. If Matthew wanted to get home there was only one way. Up the hill. At the end of the week, he was happy for the hill. He saw the benefit of the daily exertion and the effort got easier.
It's a bit like wishing that it wouldn’t rain because we didn’t want to get wet. We didn’t want to get wet but we wanted to get to our meetings. We donned our waterproof jackets and strode with purpose. It’s not the most pleasant experience to feel damp and bedraggled but the connection and engagements we had made it worth it.
The hill is beckoning
We live in a world where it is tempting to look for the easy way out. Young people want to become TikTok stars and YouTube influencers rather than battle through traffic to an 8am-5pm job. They would rather stay at home and play video games than do a job where they have to get their hands dirty.
In the work environment the generalised complaint is that the new generation, Gen Z, don’t like to work hard. They want the information handed to them, rather than search for it themselves, which is ironic when they have been brought up on Google. They want comfort and certainty and a cushy salary but don’t ask them to do too much to get it.
Intergenerational conflict and misunderstanding is not new. We were told how different, and difficult, we were when we entered the work space decades ago. We don’t remember being criticised for not working hard, though.
These are our children that are entering work. If there is anyone to blame it is us as the parents for setting our kids up to fail by making life too easy for them. Struggle is not always a bad thing. We all know that a butterfly will not survive without the battle to leave the chrysalis. We should have let them climb that hill on their own, with all the moans and groans, and not picked them up.
Possibly there is something that is calling you to work on but it feels hard to do. It does take courage to make a change. For those of us that have made significant or small changes, we know how difficult it can be. That hill is beckoning, though. It is asking to be climbed. There is only one way and that is up. Take the step.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Matthew & Chantal