Can you keep your head?
When it feels as if the world is against you, being able to step back, disconnect from taking it personally while taking a deep breath helps keep your head while all are losing theirs.
Enabling The How #179. Reading time: 6 minutes
There are times when everything seems to be flowing smoothly. The planets are in alignment, the traffic lights are all green, clear water flows from the taps and the lights go on when the switch is flipped. No-one is unwell, the bank balance has more plusses than minuses and the cupboards are full.
Many of us are all too familiar with those times when things are a bit more tumultuous. When Mercury is in retrograde, the traffic lights are on the blink and a burst pipe creates more traffic congestion and chaos. “Payment declined” causes an instant headache and someone put the last milk container back in the fridge empty and not on the shopping list.
Then there are times when it is a little bit of both. Right now we have the wonderful spectacle of the Olympic Games with all its drama, wins and losses, jubilations and disappointments. It is a wonderful distraction while elsewhere there seem to be upheavals of all kinds.
Something is up
Something is up when good people doing good work do not get paid for it. Two sets of friends have had the misfortune of dealing with entitled individuals who think it is okay to renege on their side of the payment bargain.
It’s not that the renegers do not have the money. They do. Their behaviour smacks of a strategy that has been used before to bring small businesses to their knees, even to the brink of closing them down.
It’s this kind of unfair conduct that can send Chantal into a froth of foul language and the desire to dive deep into rescue mode.
“There is a warm place in hell for people like that,” is a favourite saying of hers as she sits on her hands and sends cursed daggers into the stratosphere. It certainly doesn’t solve the problem, that is not hers to solve, but it makes her feel better.
Closer to home
Closer to home there has been what can only be called a cat burglar operating in our suburb. He works alone in the early hours of the morning, climbing over walls, deftly missing electric fencing, to find his way through open windows to pilfer whatever is in his easy reach. He has taken bicycles, the odd mobile phone and laptop, anything that he can walk, or ride, away with.
This slippery and unsettling intruder in our midst has caused all kinds of consternation. Residents in the street have either pointed an accusing finger at the one overnight guard we have patrolling the street or dashed to his defence. Video footage has been scrutinised as opinions bounce around as to who this balaclava-ed individual is, where he comes from and how he knows which properties to invade.
On a macro level
On a macro level there are wars, and insurrections, riots and battles happening in various parts of our planet. Politics causes aggressive standoffs between the haves and have-nots, those that pray to one higher being against those that pray to another, those that support those for something and those that support those against. It doesn’t really matter the details, it is always the same: oppositional, polarised and heated.
Little can be heard above the shouts and cries. Nothing can be communicated when one only listens to retaliate with the objective of being right over the other’s obvious wrong. The upset and the heightened emotions send a rush of blood to the head and shut off any reason and rationality. It’s ugly and upsetting and often leads to violence.
On a micro level
On a micro level Matthew is the admin on several Whatsapp groups set up to support our local community. He has clearly defined guidelines for each, and politely engages with those that flout them, because some people never read the manual.
As the infractions continue he becomes less polite and more direct, which, strangely, the same adults don’t appreciate. There have been occasions when the first retort is to accuse Matthew of being racist. This is usually from members who use symbols instead of names and have no profile photo. There is no way to know what their race, gender or religion is. And yet.
Matthew has been subjected to foul language, threats of exposure via the media, demands for his reason for deleting their 27 pictures of plastic shoes, and virtual fingers pointed at generalised “others” who managed to get away with the same thing they are being accused of. All from individuals that pay nothing for the opportunity to engage with the Linden community, sell their products, advertise their small business or get security updates.
Can you keep your head?
In the face of these mini and major onslaughts it takes some deep breathing to maintain one's composure. It takes some reasoning and reality checking to realise that most of what is happening out there is not a personal slight, even when it is.
Did we invite the burglar to our street? Did our friends know that the other party had devious and underhanded plans when they started their work? Does Matthew target specific individuals on purpose? Is my religion better than yours? Does my political party leader need me to defend him or his policies?
No. And yet why do we jump to conclusions, dive to the defence of, and look for someone to blame? The words from the poem If by Rudyard Kipling come to mind in these circumstances:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
Simple words in two simple lines but very profound. Who can keep their heads and not take personally all that is going wrong right now? Those that can realise that, like the weather, much of what causes us stress just is and there is little control we have over it.
Those who can manage their state long enough to let the blood rush subside and the breath to return. Being able to lean in to accept what is while checking if they hold any responsibility for that which they complain about. Then to let it go or take action - whatever is most appropriate.
Awareness, acceptance and action. It’s not easy. It requires practice and getting it wrong, often. It means we have to be forgiving of ourselves and others. And it is worth it.
Until next time.
Yours in feeling,
Matthew & Chantal
It is quite something to catch yourself in time. To catch the first thought I find is key for me personally. Otherwise they seem to magnetically chain link together until they form one long old, untrue negative narrative. From there the emotional responses to the narrative kicks in. The breathing suggested is a truly simple way to remedy that if you don't catch yourself in time. Three breaths in a row and off you go. And Matthew, you're a great admin (BTW), and this from me who doesn't like reading the group rules and has also flouted them. Dr Joe Dispenza is on the leading edge of the research and clinical data on the power of meditation and thought. Sonia Choquette also has some great advice and techniques you can use. Regardless, the fact that this is affecting so many, in my mind, means that there is something fundamentally wrong in the way society is living. Perhaps a less go-go-go-go lifestyle, more balance, more enjoyment, is the way to go-go-go!